Funny Glossary

For your amusement, we present to you our funny glossary of assorted car- and transportation-related terms:

Accident

An excuse waiting to happen

Act of God

A natural catastrophe causing widespread destruction for which God is named as the defendant in a class action lawsuit

Airbag

A non-stop blabbermouth who won't shut up

Backseat driver

That befuddled-looking person operating the steering wheel at the back of a speeding fire truck

Bar Association

Inmates in a DUI holding cell

Body shop

A human organ repository

Bumper sticker

A cheesy t-shirt slogan for your car

Car sickness

Automobile problems

Car wash

What happens to you are as you are walking down the street after a rainstorm and some inconsiderate motorist speeds through a nearby puddle of water

Classic car

Your description of your old clunker from your student days

Dead on arrival (D.O.A.)

How a bickering couple may appear upon arriving at a party or other function after fighting bitterly in the car

Deductible

The sum total of all the repair bills on your car

Dipstick

A breadstick used to scoop onion dip

Double park

To put your car in park and engage the parking break

Drive shaft

Rude act of giving a fellow motorist the finger while behind the wheel

Easy Street

A street or neighborhood frequented by prostitutes and prospective clients

Escape velocity

The speed at which you are finally able to shake off your pursuer(s) (e.g., a cop in hot pursuit)

Fjord

A Scandanavian automobile company

Fuel cell

A gasoline-powered mobile phone

Greyhound bus

A vehicle for transporting racing dogs to all their various events

Head 'em off at the pass

To speed up when someone tries to overtake you on the road

Head for the hills

To vacation in the mountains

Holy Toledo

Robin's exclamation of annoyance upon realizing he and Batman got off at the wrong exit on their way to Akron, OH

Hothouse

A stolen mobile home

Mover and shaker

A slipshod moving company with a reputation for damaging items in transit

Muscle car

A snazzy 8-cylinder vehicle that runs on testosterone

One hit wonder

A wreckless driver with only one hit-and-run accident to date

Paint the town red

To spread Communism

Pass with flying colors

To overtake someone on the highway with your old clunker as it spews out blue smoke

Ramblin' man

An extremely verbose individual who never gets to the point

Skid road

A street made slippery by the dislodging of car oil and other contaminants from the first raindrops in a storm

Spark plugs

Hair folical implants designed to stimulate natural hair growth

Terminal velocity

The speed at which a cop catches up with you on the highway to pull you over for speeding

Toll free

Used to describe out-of-pocket expenses for road trips taken by those who speed through toll booths without paying

Traffic jam

The condiments that result when you have a trunk full of fruits and vegetables and you get rear-ended

Vehicular homicide

The act of blowing up your car to collect the insurance