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Funny Quotations


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Never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. - Woody Allen

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' - Rita Rudner

Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car. - E.B. White

The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers. - Adlai E. Stevenson

If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he'll ever lay down in front of. - George C. Wallace

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. - Earl Wilson

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. - Unknown

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. - Unknown

The shortest distance between two points is under construction. - Noelie Altito

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. - Doug Larson

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do - Jason Love

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Will Shriner

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' - Tommy Cooper

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling 'The British are coming! The British are coming!' [on Boston traffic]. - Lewis Black