When It's Time To Ditch Your Old Clunker

friends dont let friends drive 01 bumper sticker

You've known it for some time but now, it's time to face facts. That old beat up car you've had since college which is still your main source of transportation is starting to give you major problems, not to mention funny looks from friends and strangers alike.

You know it's time to ditch your old clunker if

  1. it is older than you.
  2. it has ever been stolen (by you or anyone else).
  3. its name begins with "Model" (as in Model T).
  4. its make and model are not listed in any edition of the Kelley Blue Book published in this century.
  5. people stopped making parts for your car over 10 years ago.
  6. your hubcaps don't match and never will.
  7. it has encrusted "I Like Ike" bumper stickers on the back.
  8. it takes two to drive it: one to push, and the other to steer.
  9. tortoises are starting to pass you on the road.
  10. when people say your car is "hot" they don't mean that it is stolen or that it has sex appeal.
  11. the bumper stickers and duct tape (plus a prayer and a wish) are the only things holding it together.
  12. it is worth less than the parts.
  13. it is worth less than the gas that powers it.
  14. it is worth less than the change that has accumulated underneath the seat cushions.
  15. it makes noises that are so weird even your mechanic doesn't have any words to describe them.
  16. people snicker and roll their eyes whenever you refer to it as a "classic car."
  17. you get pitying looks from the Beverly Hillbillies.
  18. your redneck friends won't give you the time of day because they're afraid you might embarrass them.
  19. the Henry Ford Museum won't take it even if you pay them.
  20. you never have to worry about it getting stolen because it is too unreliable to use as a getaway car.
  21. you've ever been pullled over for speeding but then let go because the cop felt sorry for you.
  22. the fumes make you feel exhausted.
  23. the interior smells so bad that the only way to get rid of the odors is to set the car on fire.
  24. you once tried setting it on fire to collect the insurance (and get rid of the odors) and the before and after photos look the same.
  25. one or more of the above items applies to you and you have read this far (which probably means you are still in denial).